VERSE 1
Let me tell you ‘bout a girl I matched on OKC
She was smiling in her photos, that’s a must for me
After several messages about our top five bands and films
and celebrities invited to a dinner party (Thom Yorke)

She asked me for a date near her in a north London park
I played it cool and said, ‘Sure, I know how to get there’
Got off the bus and took a left turn, should a took a right turn, 30 minutes later in the wrong ends

When I finally showed up, I was sweating from my jog
But she was pretty cool, she didn’t give me stroganoff
So we chatted about childhoods, teen-hoods, and a postmodern, sexually fluid, non-normative adulthood

Mono, poly, swing a brolly, bi or queer, straight or gay
Casual, hook up, I’m all shook up, unicorns and anarchy
We’re the generation swiping on Tinder
And I haven’t even mentioned we were socially distanced

CHORUS
She’s a lady lover
She’s a man lover
She’s a lover’s lover
Hold tight

She’s a wine lover
She’s a cat lover
She’s a massage lover
Alright

VERSE 2
For a second date (Woop!), I chose the V&A
Looked at some foreign things collected by some old, white males
Tried to impress her with my knowledge of the Empire
But she just shook her head and said that, ‘History is a big liar’

So we continued to a super trendy King’s Cross bar
I asked her questions over cocktails in a jam jar, like
‘How is your child?’ and ‘What are your kinks?’ and
’Is it important what your primary partner thinks?’ (Haha)

She laughed at me until the News at Ten told us to go
Government regulation keeps the R rate low
Back outside I thought to my myself, never met anyone like her
And she must have read my mind, cause she said, ’Is it OK if I kiss ya?’

Mono, poly, swing a brolly, bi or queer, straight or gay
Casual, hook up, I’m all shook up, unicorns and anarchy
We’re the generation swiping on Tinder
And sometimes we don’t follow being socially distanced

CHORUS
She’s a lady lover
She’s a man lover
She’s a lover’s lover
Hold tight

She’s a wine lover
She’s a cat lover
She’s a massage lover
Alright

VERSE 3
On our third date, I invited her over to mine
We planned to watch a film and red red wine
But feeling confident, proposed a massage and she said,
‘Ooh yeah, if you top up my glass’

I worked my hands up and down, side to side
In the joints, round the curves, waxing on, waxing off
Worked the muscles, and the bones, and the glands
And the tendons, and the nerves, it was getting pretty hot

I took my cue from her relaxing moans
It was now or never to start the kissy kissy
I thought I’ll do my bit for Queen and country
Let’s eat out to help out and help my friend Rishi

Mono, poly, swing a brolly, bi or queer, straight or gay
Casual, hook up, I’m all shook up, unicorns and anarchy
We’re the generation swiping on Tinder
And sometimes we don’t follow being socially distanced

CHORUS
She’s a lady lover
She’s a man lover
She’s a lover’s lover
Hold tight

She’s a wine lover
She’s a cat lover
She’s a massage lover
Alright

VERSE 4
In the morning, she said, ‘We need to have a chat’
You know it’s never good when someone says that
‘I like you,’ but, ‘life is so busy’
‘With my child and my girlfriend and my pussycat Tiggy’

And so… ‘I know it’s early but a break would be cool’
I thought, ah na, I’m Ross being elbowed by Rachel
‘I’ll be in touch when there’s work and there’s schools’
But I’m not holding my breath for days of old normal

So that’s the story of the girl I matched from OKC
The kiss she asked for still means a lot to me
The kiss she asked for still means a lot to me

Mono, poly, swing a brolly, bi or queer, straight or gay
Casual, hook up, I’m all shook up, unicorns and anarchy
We’re the generation swiping on Tinder
And, god, we really hate being socially distanced

CHORUS X 2
She’s a lady lover
She’s a man lover
She’s a lover’s lover
Hold tight

She’s a wine lover
She’s a cat lover
She’s a massage lover
Alright